Postnatal Love

I cried at night,
not knowing
what to do for you.
I tried so hard,
To feel this love.

Instead I felt rejected
and unloved.
I tried to understand,
But you cried to much.
I tried so hard,
but it was never enough.

This small child,
i wanted so much.
This connection i longed for.
This child i prayed for,
The one i dreamt of suckling,
But in reality,
He didn't want it from me.

I wanted to feel love,
but instead,
i felt isolated
and lonely.
I didn't want anyone
to know.
I didn't want it to show.

And the bystander's.
What would they say
if they knew.
I couldn't cope that day.
Would they point and judge,
they would criticise me.

how can anyone
understand.
this depression
that was at hand.
the uselessness i felt,
When Inside i was hoping
My heart would melt.

Postnatal love,
       that could not be felt.